We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
