if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
