just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
