You're earring is so big in my mouth
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
