The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
They have beer where we have blood.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
