i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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