I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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