chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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