If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
