Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
