Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
