I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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