my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
