She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
