Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
