I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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