I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
