I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
