i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
