I just saw a hot homeless man
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
