I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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