I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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