Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
