I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
