I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
