is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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