i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I AM VODKA MAN
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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