I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
