If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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