I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
