Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
