Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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