??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
