i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
