with your own penis?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
