I got chris browned last night
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
