He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
