Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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