thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
