I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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