did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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