I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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