dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
