So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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