The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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