yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
