I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
