so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
