The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
