Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
