Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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