Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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