Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
