just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Randomize
