so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
