I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
