i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
as a side note pls kill me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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