Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there was a trapeze. enough said
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
